I know everyone means well. They just want to help. But asking if I’ve tried holding him this way or that or if I have him drinking from a bottle yet or swaddle him each night just makes me feel like you think I’m doing something wrong and you (and everyone else) knows the right way to do it.
If I’m trying to rock my baby to sleep, don’t come along and say, “Here, let me try.” I know you’re trying to help, but the message you’re sending to me is that I’m doing something wrong. It will actually make me feel worse if I can’t soothe my screaming baby, but I hand him over to you and he is instantly at ease. I would rather struggle along and try to find my way than have to rely on someone else every time my baby needs to burp or be rocked to sleep.
So if you really want to help me out, just say the five little words that would make me (and any new mom) the happiest to hear: “You’re doing a good job.”